Dish

Sorry the post is late today. Had a rough night. No excuse, I know, but my daughter who is being potty trained woke up at 4 and informed me she had to go potty. Because of my sick wife and the humidifier going, I had already had a poor night. It is a sad thing when you are being woken up by your naked two year old, while laying in the hallway just outside the bathroom.

Great news! I got Dish Network over the weekend. Three T.V.s hooked up to DVR’s. (522 and 510 models) each television capable of digitally recording shows independent of the others. The two that are connected to the 522 can share recorded events. It is so nice being able to push pause when the kids are being loud, or need something, or we aren’t ready to start watching quite yet. Best of all, we now have the SciFi channel. So I can watch BattleStar Galactica, the new series, instead of waiting for someone else to record it for me. We should have done this years ago!

A nice side effect of getting the Dish, is my house is now clean. You can’t have someone going through your house if the place is a wreck! Basement is all clean. I can actually get over to my dart board again. A nice thing to have when you are upset at someone and you have a picture of them. And the praise I get because of my arcade cabinet that I built. People can finally come over and see it! YEA!!

Back Pain

I am not sure how it happened, all I know is that my back hurts. It hurts especially bad when I move, but the constant pain from breathing is almost as bad. You know the feeling, a dull throb that never goes away. It is enough to drive someone crazy!

Yes, I have found a new torture method! Invent electrical devices that cause constant, dull aching in the back. Before a week is through, my enemies will be begging to obey my every whim, just to have the pain removed. It is genius! PURE genius!

Glad today is Friday. I need a break from work and the wackos I have to deal with there. Can you believe they are trying to impose a dress standard on the cave dwelling programmers? You know the people who are not allowed to even talk to the customers. The people who do excellent work, who keep the company afloat, but who should NEVER be allowed to communicate with anyone who has not been properly educated on handling techniques. And they should have all of their shots of to date. The powers that be are asking for trouble. I shudder to think what may develop because of this.

It might be fun watching it happen though. Cave dwellers! UNITE!

Just Another Day

Over the past few weeks, my secret prayer has been to have a day that I can refer to it has just another day. A day where nothing out of the ordinary happens. That I can expect not to be surprised by anything that comes my way. Several weeks I have wanted this, and yesterday, I came to the realization that I am experiencing it. Massive poopies are now expected to come my way EVERY day. Back to back spontaneous meetings are now the norm. Nothing surprises me anymore. Today I expect to be just another day.

However! If nothing happens. If something new doesn’t break. If I can actually accomplish something without being interrupted for something even more critical, I may just fall over from a heart attack. Sadly, said heart attack wouldn’t happen until after work, so no workman’s comp. But still! What a shock THAT would be. A calm and peaceful day! I want it SO bad! But it won’t happen. Just like my boss will never get me an U2 iPod. I am not going to stop bugging him for one, just like I am not going to stop wishing for a nice peaceful day. You need to have goals, and you need to have faith!

So I am looking at getting a television package for the family. Mainly it is so that I can watch the new Battle Star Galactica. Cable is WAY to expensive, and has HORRIBLE options. So it is a battle between Dish, and DirecTV. After looking at everything from cost, to channels, to equipment, monthly fees, setup costs. I think Dish slightly has the edge. And through my uncle I can get a deal on the setup, I think Dish is going to win. Now to get things cleaned up to where I can have someone come in and actually install it without breaking kids toys, my trains, or who knows what!

The installers had better not try to steal my arcade cabinet! Who knows WHAT kind of damage they would do to my house getting that out of the basement!

Opinions

We were in a large group meeting yesterday, when a particular movie came up. It was amazing how far apart opinions were of this movie. I thought it was absolutely hilarious, while someone else thought it one of the dumbest movies ever made. He was in the minority of those who had seen the movie. On the other hand, there were movies he thought were the best ever, and I could not stand. And in those, I was in the minority.

We have a problem. Every person in this world, have a God given right to be able to think for themselves. This means that we can have differing opinions, and not have to suffer some bizarre consequence for believing the way we do. This may seem counter productive for one striving to become the Evil Overlord, but I am glad we have differing opinions. Granted, there will be those who do not want me to be the Evil Overlord. They are entitled to believe that as much as they want. They can continue in that belief until they start acting upon it. At which point they will find that they have been arrested and placed in my prison structure formerly known as France.

I don’t want a bunch of yes men around me either. If someone does not think my plan will work, they need to speak up and say so. I need to listen to their opinion because of that off chance that they may be right. Opinions are important. But there is an age old adage that states: Your facts may be correct, but my opinion is always right.

Do not mess with me!

Passport

My passport for the mission expired yesterday. That means eight years ago, I finished my mission. Wow! Am I really starting to get that old? Hang on, let me check something. … Yup, bones crack as I stand up and sit down. I make funny moaning sounds as I settle down, I must be getting old. Past time to implement my plans for world domination!

Actually, yesterday I had my picture taken for a new passport. The main color for the company I work for is orange. I happened to have a branded, orange shirt on yesterday when I got my picture taken. My new passport will have that nice orange shirt. You know what that means? It means when ever I go out of the country, I’ll be representing the company. Did you hear that guys? You can take me to the Philippines on your next trip there. Or Japan, or Mexico, or Europe. I really do not mind where. JUST TAKE ME SOMEWHERE!

They promised they would though. They have done it time and again, promised to take us with them over the years to these places. At this past Christmas party they promised to take the original 14 (13 now) employees to the Philippines in front of over 600 people. There are witnesses. I want to go. Which is why I am getting my passport renewed. Plus, you never know what may be lurking around the corner.

Yes, there is a lot of destruction over there right now in the Philippines. So we may want to wait until it has been cleaned up a bit. But I still want to go over there. Eventually. What I REALLY want is a free ride to Russia. Russia is too poor and corrupt (sad) to support our product, but that would be nice, to go back there. To see old friends. Go do those things I was not allowed to the first time I was there because I was a missionary. Yes, that would be fun.

To my passport! May it go places the other did not!

What time did you say?

I was not happy when the alarm went off this morning. Not at all ready to wake up. Did not sleep well. All night long the cats raced up and down the hallway. Taking the occasional pit-stop to jump up on the bed and get their ears scratched by my wife. The boy kept hitting some paper. He would scoot forward in his bed until he would rustle paper every time he moved. It was awful! I didn’t sleep at all!

Watched a movie this weekend. I’m not sure what to think about it. Napoleon Dynamite. Probably the dumbest movie I have seen in a long while, but funny as all get out. I loved how Pedro shows almost no emotion the entire time! Except for at the end when he wins the election because of Napoleon’s dance. Absolutely hilarious! I wish I could dance like that. It would be fun to goof off at some party or something.

I am sorry to admit, I think we are going to have to purchase that movie. Pull that out whenever I need a good laugh.

Whatever I want! …GOSH!

Ice Skating

Of all the things I have ever heard of ice-skating, I never realized how much my back would hurt afterwards. Not from falling mind you, but from helping my kids around the rink. Imagine if you will, lanky dude, stepping onto the ice rink for the first time EVER! No, I did not slip and fall flat on my butt! In fact, for being my first time ever I did rather well. I only fell one time, and it was not my fault. I have it on tape, my daughters blade went under mine which threw me to the ground. Instead of landing on my two year old, I threw her forward, which made me land smack on my butt. It didn’t hurt since I was already bent over trying to help her skate around. Two kids, fiercely independent, not wanting help, but needing it just to stand on the frozen water. What a night! I am SO thankful that is over.

My older brother’s wedding reception was last night. Instead of having a gathering at someone’s home, or church, they renting a city center and adjacent ice rink. It was cool. Different. But cool. People had fun. Even husbands who didn’t want to be there because it is a wedding of all things, had fun. Hot chocolate outside, and inside it was very elegant. My neighbor who did the decorating, did a very nice job, despite her previously mentioned melt down!

I wish the event would have tuckered out the kids. It did not. They were still as wired as ever come bed time. Why must I be the one made to suffer?! This is NOT how it is supposed to work. Evil Overlords do not suffer!

The Perfect Scam

There is one aspect in life that no one can truly avoid. If you don’t get it, it can harm you. If you do get it, it sucks all your money. One of the more vile creations of man. Insurance. Everything about insurance is designed to make money for the insurance company. It is not there to help the consumer in any way. The industry may profess that it does do good, that it can protect you from harm (health insurance) or help you recover from an accident (auto insurance) or… No, people. The insurance business was founded by mobsters! They hurt people. Insurance is bad and only ends up hurting people. If you as the consumer is not hurt, then the health provider is hurt. Not physically anymore, but monetarily. Insurance is evil! All that being said, how do I get in on such a lucrative deal?

My brother’s wedding reception is tonight. They are providing ice-skating for everyone. I have never been ice-skating. Hardly anyone in my family has been. I am for sure bringing the video camera. Especially since my little boy has expressed interest in trying it out. He insists that his mom skate with him. 100 to 1 says she falls more than he does!

Just a friendly reminder to everyone. If something special is happening in your life, and you want flowers. You do not inform the person doing it for you 2 days before! Give them at least two weeks! My poor neighbor had a complete meltdown last night because of my brother. My wife had to go over and help her. I didn’t get my wife back until this morning! Sucks for me. I was left completely on my own with two little kids. We had fun, but putting them to bed sucks.

There really wasn’t anything funny about yesterday. Except for my co-worker bringing her sugar-gliders (miniature rats for those who do not know) to work. They barked. In a rather awkward place. I got a kick out of that story. That was funny. But nothing else. Especially that weirdo walking around, trying to be funny, with two cigarettes stuck in his nose. When will he learn, he is not funny? See, I have already learned that he is not funny. I have only known him for a few weeks. He has had MANY years to learn that fact. So other than being unfunny, he is dumb as well.

Migraines

Migraines suck! There is no other way of really getting to the meaning behind Migraines. Plain and simple, they suck. Yesterday, after my dentist appointment, everything was fine for about an hour. Then it hit me. I hurt so bad, that the only thing that helped me avoid the pain, was the nauseous waves washing over me. I had a lot to do, but I got it done before I went home for lunch. Once I made it home I slept for two hours. Drooled all over my wife’s pillow. Sorry sweety! (She never reads my blog, so no worries, she’ll never know!)

I had enough stuff to do at work, that once I woke up, and the pain had subsided, I returned. If that isn’t devotion, I do not know what is! Work should give me an U2 iPod or something.

My little girl is so sweet. Knowing that I wasn’t feeling well, she came into my bedroom, crawled up onto the bed, and began rubbing my back. She is only two, but it is nice to know that she has such a sweet heart. Except for those times when she gets that gleam in her eye. That gleam is usually followed by a loud smack as she hits her older brother with a stick, spoon… really, anything she can get a hold of. She does this for no other reason but because she can. That is proof right there that she has a little bit of Evil Overlord in her. When I take over, I am going to have to give her a country to practice on. Maybe I’ll give France to her. France isn’t good for anything except their wine. Since we don’t drink, they are good for nothing. Maybe really cheap labor. It is settled then, my girl gets France, until she is ready for something more.

Here is to you kid!

I Deserve a Raise

We have a major project due at work. One of those projects, that sneak up from behind, and jumps everyone, with the highest priority. A project driven by marketing, the most incompetent department, yet, the holy child of the company. We took the best in our group (well, my boss did) and divided up the project between us. Everyone scrambles to make sure things work correctly, and they do, but did we really need to work ourselves ragged, because of the failures in the rest of the company? Someday, they will bow down and worship the power of the programmer. Countless are the times that we have saved their bacon! And what do we have to show for it? Receding hairlines, high blood pressure, and a lack of toys. I can deal with the first two problems, but I demand more toys. I have to experiment with electronics in order to create my doomsday devices. I need to have these things, so that I feel like a proper Overlord.

I have an unfinished basement in my house. I have an entire room slated to become my secret laboratory. Not so secret since I told you, but you don’t know where I live. I plan on doing many fun experiments in there. Experiments such as hypnotism, electrical magnetism, and other fun things. But I need those toys.

When I do take over the world. I am going to make sure that I employ dentists as my force of secret intelligence. I know none better at torture, and pain. Speaking of which, I am headed there shortly for my annual check-up. They want you to go every six months, insurance only pays once a year. What do they think? I’m going to PAY for the pain? I might be demented, but I am not sick!

A New Week

This week I promised to post my paper on the Eradication of Absent-Minded People. I will still post it this week, just not today. It is four pages long, and still in a rough draft format. Meaning, that years later, as I am reading through it, I have noticed many bugs, and typos, that I don’t want the rest of the world to see. I need to bust out the trusty white-out, and go to town! Maybe come Wednesday or Thursday, you will be able to enjoy the show.

As I was searching for the above paper, I came across a lot of other things that I have written. I had forgotten that over the years I had collected so much. Hardly any of it is worth posting, but it does show that I have written. It shows that I can use my mind for things other than world domination. This is good, because my wife and I were arguing that the other day.

Saturday night, we were at a party. A good friend is moving away for a time. He is 29, single, and a work-a-holic. (Sorry dude, I had to say it.) He is a very good writer. He has written a paper that generalizes most women to a point where men can truly understand them. There is nothing in the paper that degrades woman in any way. The paper only gives men a better understanding of how women will view the same situation differently than a man. This paper has received great acceptance by well over 200 different women. All like it, except for one.

At the end of the party, the only one to express any dislike to the paper went off. The only arguments she could come up with were semantics. She argued over the wording, and not the thoughts. She hated the fact that he had nailed her down, and had to find some way of disproving him. It was rather humorous watching her get all worked up, and not able to exact her revenge. The confrontation ended, no shedding of blood, and we are all still friends. You know why we are all still friends? Because it did not matter at all. It was not a life and death situation. It was one person’s thoughts written down on paper. That’s it. Thoughts. No action ever took place other than writing those thoughts down. I love America! We can voice our opinions, and no one goes to jail. No one has to die for saying they hate this or that. And then we can disagree with them, and it is ok.

I’m in a mood today. I hope a certain previously mentioned nincompoop leaves me alone today. I see too many possibilities today where violence may be the only option.

The Fiasco

There is something to be said about professionalism in the workplace. Yesterday gave me an example of what not to do. To make a long story short, a person who is in a place of some authority, blew up. Through the course of his tirade, he began using some very strong language very loudly. I am rather thick skinned, and knowing the incompetence of the guy to begin with, let things just wash over me. Several times I went to my boss in attempts to calm things down, and get things taken care of. The guy just would not stop. Finally, he began using language that isn’t appropriate anywhere. Instantly my gears shifted from “getting the job done” to “get this freak calmed down and away from here NOW!” Sexual harassment charges could be filed by several people, and I hope they do. In the middle of all this he said the funniest thing, “I am the only one with any morals in this crap company!” This tirade happened before lunch.

After lunch, when he finally came back to work, he began calling all sorts of people and going off in the same manner as before. Come to find out later, he was calling people in the other building. By the end of the day, the most random set of people knew about the situation. The sad thing is, nothing will end up being done to him, I’ll probably get some of the blame, and I’ll have to hate him forever. Do not worry, everyone of us who were involved wrote up what happened and gave it to our boss so that our side of the story has been told. I still crack up over that line, “I am the only one with morals in this crap company!”

The sad thing, after I left for the day, he began cornering people and going off again. Innocent people, who still have innocent minds, were being cussed out. People who have not had to deal with situations like this before. Who had no one around to back them up. Couple this with the guy’s prejudices against people from India (half of our programming staff) which he has spoken, I really think this guy should be fired!

Enough of a rant, I have two days where I don’t have to even think about him. I’m taking full advantage of that situation to further my plans for world domination. I’ll see you all on Monday, I like to take Sunday’s off.

Peace!

Battlemech

Sometimes I really wish I had a battlemech. I think that it would be really fun to climb aboard, and thunder through the town. The sheer awesome power fully at my control. When I say no, those morons in marketing, and the fence sitters would be forced to heed my warning! Projects would be done the right way, and the world will be a better place! Too bad they aren’t real. That was a nice dream.

So, this year has been a record year for moisture here in the west. The snow pack is at 300% normal in some places. Million dollar homes have already been lost to the flooding. Winter is not over yet, and the precipitation is still coming down. When the spring thaw happens, just imagine the destruction we are going to see. It is going to be awesome! Note to self, avoid places where spring runoff normally runs.

Where my house is built, the water table is really high. During the past decade, it has been lower because of the drought, but I remember when you could dig down 2 feet and hit water. My house is built on top of the ground, but my neighbors, they dug down. In fact one neighbor went down nine feet, the other only six. When the spring thaw comes, and that underground river fills up, you know who is going to be flooded? That is right, the two retention ponds to either side of me! They do not even have sump pumps because the daft idiots working for the city did not bother to check the history of the area, and did not require it. I wonder if they were told about flood insurance. Knowledge I think I will keep to myself in this matter, I do not like my neighbors, I want them to move.

This has been a good initial week for my blog. Although only my brother’s have commented to the posts, I like what I have written. I’m not going to post anything during the weekend, let my creativity wander a bit. I promise great things for next week though. Maybe I will post up some old poetry, or some essays. If I can find it, I will post my paper concerning the open hunt and absent mindedness. A fun read if nothing else!

Everyone have a great weekend. Make sure to continue working towards your own person goals of power and world domination!

The Dreaded Meetings

Work pays me so much money expecting me to do so much work. Meetings are required in order to get the work done, this is a given, but at what point do meetings become a nuisance and detracts from the work getting done. I’ve wondered that one all day long yesterday. The dreaded fence sitter has struck again! Every decision that needs to be made is turned into an hour long discussion. He restates everything, almost verbatim, a minimum of 5 times before he STARTS to wind down. I think his fear is to make the decision, and so he puts it off as long as he can. Unfortunately, all this does is create an impromptu meeting that wastes my time. You get enough of these impromptus and you discover your day is shot, nothing was accomplished. How on earth am I going to rule the world if I’m not given time to implement my plans? Sheesh!

I think the worst thing about being a geek, is the way family members tend to walk all over you when it comes to getting their computers fixed. They won’t pay you because you are family. Which means, of course, wasted effort. Time that could have been spent furthering plans to become the Overlord, or making money to further the plans of becoming Overlord. The worst of it all though, since you are family, they do not take your advice seriously! Use a password, and mac address verification on your wireless connection. Do not change the email settings. Install the windows updates. Update your virus protection software constantly. What do you mean you don’t have virus protection? Are you insane?! The worst of that list though, are the ones who don’t go out and study the problem on their own and try to fix it. My wife’s step mother is great! I love her. She goes out and googles for the problem until she can find it. I have had to save her maybe 3 times in the past 5 years. All three times it was something she had spent hours trying to find the solution for, to no avail. The only reason I knew how to fix it, is because I had to do it once before. Now my own parents? I try to restrict what they can do, as much as I can, because they are known to be computer killers!

Why is it that family members never believe that you can really do something? My uncles just moved the business into a building that needed phone and network cables ran. I offered my assistance to them and I was ignored. This shocked me a little because this had been my job for the past decade or so. My dad talked to them and explained to them that I worked with computers. Two days before they reopen, they are still struggling to get things hooked up. I happen to stop in to visit my dad, and forcefully offered my assistance. Four hours later, I advanced them enough that they could open. There was still work to be done, but they were going to be ok. Monday comes, they open up, and began to beg for the tools that I mentioned on Friday that I had so they could finish. Amazing how much quicker the job goes when you have the correct tool! Needless to say, I am the hero of the day. Unfortunately they are family, so you know how much I’m going to get out of them every time they call! (Actually, I am getting a SWEET deal on a new generator! We went there on Friday because the power was out all day, and the wife and kids were freezing! I’m going to prevent that in the future!)

The old adage that says it isn’t what you know but who you know. That’s fine and all, but having some knowledge sure doesn’t hurt!

The Old Man's Computer

In the last post, I commented about the old man’s sanity. I lied. I don’t think the man was ever sane. But my brother’s computer pushed him a little bit more onto that side of the equation. The old guy isn’t a geek. If anything he is a mechanic with an art side. Oh sure, all my childhood he pretended to be a geek, for which I am grateful because I grew up with computers. (I still remember our Atari 400, the Atari 1200XL and of course the Commodore 64, and the TI’s at school. … Thank goodness for IBM! and the emulations it provides!) I digress. The guy is the manager of a service department, and he insists that he needs a nice computer to do his job. I’m familiar with the software they use, a 286 is WAY more than adequate, but he still insists. So, as the faithful son who IS a geek, I have to help him to make sure he doesn’t screw things up. With the way this thing is turning out, with the clear case, lights, special gadgets, he will make the others at the LAN party green with envy! If he ever attended one. I can’t let my father have a crapper! What if I need to use it in my plans for taking over the world? A 286 sure won’t get me very far!

The little lady informed me that her brother is serving in the Navy. I knew that. He is a sailor who has never set foot on a boat! Sorry dude! Didn’t intend to forget about you.

While applying my mental capacities to the study of obtaining Overlord status, I found myself playing a remarkable game. Evil Genius. Aside from the game play, which I find absolutely hilarious, this is a great tool to help design your inner sanctum. It isn’t the final word on the matter by any means, but it does help you to quickly visualize your ideas.

I hate fence sitters. You know those guys at work who will play both sides in the political games, I hate them. They never seem to get fired, despite the fact that they NEVER produce anything. The truth is, they are a major drain on resources. They turn a 15 minute quick fix, into a 6 month long train wreck. When the wreck finally settles and you are allowed to implement that 15 minute fix, they claim the credit, and get all the praise for recovering from the mighty pile of twisted metal and broken bodies. In the history books of the future, I hope they read, “The corporate fence sitters were the first ones against the wall, after the marketing departments.”

I was thinking of starting an open source project with the ultimate goal of putting me in complete control of, well… everything. You know how open source works, all the geeks in the world unite for the first BETA release, maybe even an initial release, but lose interest right when it really starts to take off. I would have my software required to implement plans for world domination, but afraid to run it for fear of the many unknown bugs. Accidentally initiate the doomsday device instead of opening the garage. Disaster written all over that.


Until tomorrow!

The Beginning

It is official. Reality Pause is open for business. Domain name registered (realitypause.com) and linked to the blog. (With only a small inconvenience regarding a lapsed registration and them wanting $80 PLUS the registration fee, but I showed them!)

The biggest question that remains, is what on earth is it for? As the author, what am I going to write, and as the reader, what are you going to read? Probably a lot of made up fantasies, complaining, a little whining, poking fun, and everything else you have come to expect from personal blogs.

Background on me, the author: I have a great love for my country. Both of my grandfathers served this country well during Warld War II. They watched their best friends fall before them. They both loved this country all during their life, through the day they died. My brother-in-law, the one with the history degree, currently serves in the Army because of his love for this country. Although my love for this country is as great, I have, and always will, poke fun at leaders, laws, and other aspects of our daily, American life. We live in the greatest nation in the world! The nation isn't great because of its armed forces, money, or power. This nation is great because it guarantees me, and every other citizen, the right to do exactly what I am doing, voicing my own opinion, without fear of prosecution. I will also poke fun at other nations, especially France and Canada. France gave me some of my ancestry, and Canada gave my older brother his beautiful wife, but they are still fun to make fun of, eh. I have lived extensively in Russia, have mingled with the people. My love for Russia is second only to America. We live in a great nation, but as a people, our charity towards others, the strength of our friendships, hold NOTHING to that of the Russian people. Я люблбю Россиу! (sidenote: my paternal grandfather was adopted by a loving American family, but was 100% Russian, making me 25% Russian and proud of it! That fact does explain a LOT of weirdness in my family though!)

As I close this post, I have one simple request. Will someone PLEASE get me a copy of Electronic Gadgets for the Evil Genius! I know it is only $20, but I'm poor, I have a wife, two kids, and a mortgage. I can't afford these frivolous things. Oh sure, you say, you registered a domain! Well duh! I know that! But it is in preparation of making money! You know, a new business venture! Get off my back, and get me that book!

I am an Evil Genius! I am the Overlord! I have documented my rise to power and soon (in a few years) will grant you the rare opportunity of purchasing my book, for your reading pleasure.

Cheese eating surrender monkeys! BWAHAHAHA!


...Peace!


(Dethlore, do you realize what your computer has done to the old man?! He is completely insane!)